in love with autumn...

Today I woke up (I suppose really it hasn't been that long ago) and the sun was trying so hard to break through the fog and bring in the day. This is one thing I love about autumn... other than calling it autumn! Yesterday Mom and I were at the grocery and I saw the international delight creamers, pumpkin pie spice is out! Ahhh! I enjoyed a bit of that in my coffee this morning.

How delightful.

I've been babysitting again. Which means I've been taking pictures again. I love the Birthright family. They make my heart smile. I've been with them for some time now -- it's always such a pleasure to watch a child you love grow up over the years. I sound like I'm a grandmother... but whatever.

There is some of our craziness!

I'm really enjoying the weather! Autumn is my very favorite season! I'm planning on a parkway trip very soon that way I can get some great pictures of the leaves. It's so nice to live in an area that is so perfect in fall!

I'm off, I have the urge to spend some time in the Psalms today. Woohoo!

madness.

I need to begin thinking of better headlines for my blogs. This one word thing is dorky.

This last week has been insane. No, really. Insane.

I have learned a lot. See, I'm the good kid. I'm the one that always does a good job, never gets in trouble, always gets good feedback, blah blah blah. I'm the goody goody if you want to say it that way.

When I find out that there have been parent complaints due to me and my teaching style I flipped out!

What? Me? I've done something wrong? I do my best! I really do! I love all of those kids equally! What in the world could I have done to offend? AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *pulls hair out*

So, my boss, knowing me from long ago knows that I am liable to flip out some. Okay, flip out a lot. Especially over something that I pour everything I have into. I mean come on, I have pictures of these kids on my phone, on my computer, in this blog. I wake up thinking of them and wondering if the one that was not feeling well yesterday is alright today. I miss them over the weekend. I like to draw with them, I play tag with them, I teach them how to braid hemp.

See? These kids are my life.

Back to my boss, she and I spent some time talking about how things like this can be frustrating and how you can't please everyone all of the time. We talked about somethings that I can do in the classroom to help with the issues we've been dealing with. It's been an amazing turn around. The kids have responded beautifully to it. I've written a letter to their parent's giving them an outline of life in my class.

I'm so grateful to have a boss that understands not only how I am, but how to work with me and help me figure out a way to fix it. AND on top of all of that be patient and compassionate.

Wow. Thanks God. And, Amanda! :] You two kids rock!

Speaking of God. He had a big hand in all of this. He allowed me to step outside of myself and hear things that weren't pleasant to hear and he allowed me to absorb it and, with help, find a way to fix it.

It's been very humbling. I'm not glad that some of the parents or kids were unhappy (duh), but I am glad that I was able to learn from a work experience that I'd never encountered. I'm also glad I had the support of my family, co-workers, my boss, my friends, and especially my kids.

Since hearing the negative, I've heard some positives from the mouths of the parents themselves. Today one parent couldn't get their kid to leave with them. They looked at me and said, "as frustrating as it is to get her to come here, I'm so glad she likes it here". In another case I was saying goodbye to the last two siblings to leave on Monday and as I walked by I said "okay, guys! Have a great evening! See you tomorrow!" They kids yelled out, "We love you Miss Shannon!" and the parent said, "We're sure looking forward to it!".

Holy smokes.

I've learned a lot. It's truly amazing what sort of change a few simple days can bring and what God can do with all of it.

I stand in awe.

fresh

So, it has been a long time since my last post - I'm here to fix that.

Since my last entry I have:
-gotten over someone
-stopped working on sundays
-found a new intrest
-gotten two new journals
-found a polaroid camera
-taken lots of polaroids
-settled some priorities
-enjoyed the crap out of my life

For the first on the list:
I was involved in a horribly unhealthy "relationship" that had lasted an absurd amount of time. There had been a couple of months with almost zero contact and God said, "Hey, I miss you. I think you're neat. Come talk to me. Oh, and by the way, you are absolutely done with this idiot boy." I said, "Thanks for the heads up. No problem. I think you're neat too."

Done? Wow.

Enter the facebook message (oh yes, facebook). I basically said I was finished and I didn't think we had to never talk or anything like that, but that we'd never be what we were. ever. again. never. (etc) and I told him that I had learned to protect my heart and that he would have to earn the right back to see me. It took a lot for me to write that to him. The boy that I always made allowances for, the one I thought really loved me, really would fight for me, and wanted to be with me. Somehow I had believed all of those things. So when I wrote that my hands were shaking and I had to ask God if this was really thing right thing to say. He said, "Why, yes it is". Okay God, whatever You say.
So, after everything that I had believed about this relationship, after everything I had put into it, after all the tears, broken hearts, and b.s. along the way this is what he said back to me:
"I love you more than you know (obviously), but I'm not going to try and earn a chance to see you. That's bullshit".

Really? Awesome.

That right there was the defining moment our relationship. Contradiction in terms. I love you but I'm not willing to fight for you.

Cool. That works.

So girls: stay away from crap like that. That is the moral of the story.

I'm doing quite well. I've started talking to another guy who I've known since college (that feels weird to say, oh wait, I'm not in college anymore. right.), he's nice and he likes the woods and he knows how to cook. Woohoo! So we'll see. Moving very very slow. That works just fine for me.

Also, I told my boss that I was no longer going to work on Sundays. As God told me that I was done with the idiot boy, He also said, "Oh, I forgot, you're no longer going to work on Sundays. You're going to spend that time with Me."

Sure thing God.

I'm going to be going to The Vine basically every Sunday. I'm pretty thrilled about that. Fellowship! Yes!

Norah Jones is extremely fun to listen to when you're cooking. Somehow when it's ready it tastes better. This is true of speghetti at least. Ha! It's quite nice to listen to some really great mellow music and cook at the same time. On a pink Zune of course.

Oh yes, my Zune is pink.

whew

Since my last post things have gotten considerably better!

I've been working through a lot of the things that were holding me back and not doing me any good. I feel like God and I have made some seriously great progress, and while I might not be 100% yet I'm close.

Enter: relief, gratitude, excitement, entertainment, and love.

In the last few weeks I have learned that:
I have amazing, supportive, steadfast friends
I have an amazing job and the kids are wonderful
Doubting my faith makes me stronger
Polaroid pictures are the greatest things ever
New journals inspire me
Wearing Danskos makes me smile
Because of Danskos I have new cute socks
Spending time with Whitford makes me ecstatic
The rain is inspiring and balm to me
Seeing my brother in the evenings makes my heart happy
Having my sister be in the after school program with me is oddly refreshing
...and stopping to watch the geese makes me laugh.

I've been working mostly in the evenings which is nice, I have my days free to myself. That has proven quite useful in a myriad of ways.

Mom and I are going to start finishing up my resume and then sending it out, posting it on the internet, etc. Time to start that journey. I'll keep you updated!

For now, it's time for some coffee before I head to the church.

Ciao.

sheesh.

I have realized in the last 6 hours that I am especially heartbroken.

I had a fantastic morning with my church kids (note: they are different from my after school kids), even though I was dreading being there today. I was listening to Tool in the car when I parked this morning, and as I looked down toward the door (behind which is sometimes heaven, sometimes hell) I thought, "wow... no amount of Tool can make me want to be here today". I finally gave it up after a rousing shouting of Jambi and went inside to start for the morning when I was asked to do Children's Church. Now I have never ever done children's church, but hey who's up for new things? Me! I had the best time. Afterwards I ended up in my room with my sweet Landry and we played the morning away.

It was only on the drive home that I came to pieces in the car. Can I just tell you friends? Driving is therapy at times and then other times it's like a prison. Sometimes you can drive away from what is bothering you and that makes it better. This was not one of those times, this was a time where you realize that no amount of driving can make it better because there is nothing to get away from... it's all inside of you.

Terrible.

I came home and proceeded to eat comfort spaghetti and I slept for over and hour while listening to Gilmore Girls. Good news: I'm no longer bawling. Bad news: I now must deal with this constant hurt. There's the rub. I will not go into detail as to what has broken my heart because it does no good to spill your guts on the internet, but I will ask for you to be in prayer.

On a side note, I found a daisy during my daily travels last week and it's doing very well on my window.

That is basically all, except of course that my birthday is on Thursday. I will be 22. It'll be neat and hopefully by then I will be feeling more like myself.

A New Chapter

I need to start this off with a story that made me smack my forehead:
I was sitting in the first row of chairs at the graduation rehearsal minding my own business when this really bleach blond girl came to sit by me.
Okay fine, she looks nice enough.
So she strikes up idle conversation.
Sure, go along with it, whatever.
She looks at me and says out of no where "Oh my goodness! Is that your natural hair color?!"
Oh my lord. Are you serious?! "Yes, yes this is my natural hair color..."
"Well it is just gorgeous! I'll have to see if I can get mine that way"
*awkwardly* "Gee.... thanks." Omg. Kill me.

[I need an alter ego]

You have to wonder sometimes where society is going! I mean yes, I have fallen victim to thinking that I have to have a flat stomach and no love handles and it's something I grapple with on an hourly basis and then have to remind myself that I'm perfect how God made me. But please give me my natural hair color! I beseech you!

Moving on:

I am officially a graduate of Western Carolina University! Woohoo! This is all very exciting that's for sure. I don't know what to do with all of this crazy new free time! I had a lot of stuff going on when I had my two online classes. Work and studying/reading/writing papers/making power points etc., made for zero free play time. Now all I have to do is work, which I haven't done all weekend. It's been incredibly liberating to be able to watch a movie with my family and not think about the work I should be doing! Of course, I do think I will go back for my masters, but I'd like to make sure I really do love my field before I do that. You don't play around with a masters. Man, this is crazy. I'm no longer a student but am a real contributer to society! Woot! We'll see how this goes. Now the job hunt ensues. Be in prayer friends as I have NO idea where or what I will be doing.

This picture below is me after the ceremony, however, I felt just like this the entire time I was at WCU, the time leading up to walking especially:

This is the classic parents flanking the graduate shot:


We were all pretty jazzed. And I got flowers! I love getting flowers, it's one of my favorite things!



Now, I was looking at my room here at home thinking about how things will be changing sooner than I realize and how crazy life will get. As I was looking and thinking I saw my bed and thought, "man that looks nice". It's so lovely to see something that is a staple in your life and realize how inviting it is!




For serious, how comfy does that look? And those are the flowers that I got for graduation :]
And yes, that is Eclipse laying on my bed, yes I am a Twilight Fan. And yes I did pre-order Breaking Dawn online. Shut up.

That is me. Enjoying the crap out of my bed.

That's all I have time for now. I have cross stitching and reading to do with my new found freedom!

:]

mhmm.

I got an A in Chem. Yes everyone, Shannon Mimms got an A in Chem. Who saw that coming? Not I.

Now to tackle the remaining 2 weeks of Native American Religion and I will hopefully have a 4.0 for my last semester at WCU. Holla holla to being an almost grad.

So my friend is getting married. It's not the best thing for her at all. At all. But she is going to do it and it's been such a struggle for me. I think I care too much. But whatever. So we were at work one night and I was working on announcements for graduation and out of no where this burst of love and compassion overwhelmed me and I said I'll do whatever you need for the wedding. I proceeded to ramble off a list of possible things I could help with including murder, baking, and flower arranging. She looked at me and said that's good because I want you to be a bridesmaid.

....what?

So I said okay, if that's what you want me to do I'll do it.

I need a little animated character of myself that acts out what I'm really thinking or feeling. Like Lizzie McGuire from back in the day. I was totally shocked when she asked me to do that. Of course on reflection I saw that she had wanted to and because I'm so bull headed and hateful sometimes she was afraid to ask me. As I said, I care far to much.

So behold: Shannon the anti-marriage, reformed bridesmaid.

I got a new camera. It's a Canon PowerShot and I really love it. It has the cool flippy screen and whatnot. Super fun. I've been taking pictures like no one's business!

I babysat two of the coolest kids ever on Friday night. Caleb and Megan. They live way the crap out in White Oak and I saw some elk while Megan and I were on the trampoline speaking in British accents. It was pretty much amazing. I love that I get paid to play on the Will Fit, trampoline and swings with two kids that I love. It's a good life. Unfortunately I've been working upwards of 50 hours a week with my children at Long's. Some days it's amazing and I wouldn't' have it any other way. Other times I want to commit some terrible crime. All in all it's been a rewarding summer so far.

All the fam comes down from IN and other various places on August 1st to see me walk across the stage like a cool kid. It'll be neat.

We're also going to Charleston on Friday and I'm so excited I can't see straight! Charleston is one of my favorite cities in the world for sure. Maybe my favorite... next to Oxford. I really loved Oxford. So I have this great camera and I'll be in a fabulous city with my amazing brother. I will have lots to share with you.

In the meantime I must return to reading for class. I have a big quiz and a few presentations to fine tune... wooohooo!