Monday, June 23, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
thought.
tonight i came home and sat with my brother as i slowly dissolved into something i didn't recognize but could empathize with.
..(what a loaded statement)..
i have a friend that is going to make a mistake, or so i feel, somewhat soon. it's an imminent decision on this friend's part. i see a brick wall, my friend sees happiness forever.
i have prayed long about my viewpoint. i have thought hard about my viewpoint. making ever so sure that i am in fact not projecting onto my friend my own reservations, but genuinely being unbiased so as to make the right decision when offering advice.
as i realized that though my friend asked and listened to my advice, they did not in fact hear and absorb it.
this friend is heading in a direction that i have been. i have to believe that there is redemption. i have to believe there is a reason why i went through what i did and why i continue to suffer and be plagued by it daily.
when my words were unceremoniously cast aside, it created something in me that i still do not recognize. something that i still am grappling with, and something i fear i will continue to grapple with. perhaps it's my own pain that i have been shielding myself from for so long. perhaps it's that i care far to much for the people in my life. perhaps God is trying to tell/teach me something. perhaps i'm very mellow dramatic. i'm afraid i don't know the answer.
my resounding question was and continues to be this:
have i not suffered enough?
have i not suffered enough, does it not count for anything? is there nothing i can do with my experience to make it somewhat positive? can i not teach others from my past? what is it?
and here i sit. still wondering. still not able to accept what is happening in my friend's life and not able to accept what is happening within myself.
God makes all things good. i'm working toward that. i'm working toward letting Him make this good. i'm working toward divine healing.
on a side note. a very light and fluffy side note, i found a daisy in my yard today. my yard, you must understand, is a barren waste land. nothing but random types of grass grows and not much at that. one, daisies are my favorite. two, it made my day.
Behold! The Daisy!
..(what a loaded statement)..
i have a friend that is going to make a mistake, or so i feel, somewhat soon. it's an imminent decision on this friend's part. i see a brick wall, my friend sees happiness forever.
i have prayed long about my viewpoint. i have thought hard about my viewpoint. making ever so sure that i am in fact not projecting onto my friend my own reservations, but genuinely being unbiased so as to make the right decision when offering advice.
as i realized that though my friend asked and listened to my advice, they did not in fact hear and absorb it.
this friend is heading in a direction that i have been. i have to believe that there is redemption. i have to believe there is a reason why i went through what i did and why i continue to suffer and be plagued by it daily.
when my words were unceremoniously cast aside, it created something in me that i still do not recognize. something that i still am grappling with, and something i fear i will continue to grapple with. perhaps it's my own pain that i have been shielding myself from for so long. perhaps it's that i care far to much for the people in my life. perhaps God is trying to tell/teach me something. perhaps i'm very mellow dramatic. i'm afraid i don't know the answer.
my resounding question was and continues to be this:
have i not suffered enough?
have i not suffered enough, does it not count for anything? is there nothing i can do with my experience to make it somewhat positive? can i not teach others from my past? what is it?
and here i sit. still wondering. still not able to accept what is happening in my friend's life and not able to accept what is happening within myself.
God makes all things good. i'm working toward that. i'm working toward letting Him make this good. i'm working toward divine healing.
on a side note. a very light and fluffy side note, i found a daisy in my yard today. my yard, you must understand, is a barren waste land. nothing but random types of grass grows and not much at that. one, daisies are my favorite. two, it made my day.
Behold! The Daisy!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
write love on your arm
There is an event on Facebook that is called "Write "Love" on Your Arm". It goes hand in hand with TWLOHA.
You can see from my profile picture & my tag line how much I dig this organization. Anything that offers genuine hope and rescue to people is something I'm all about. I know a lot of people that struggle with the issues that TWLOHA deals with. They are some of the best people I know and I love them very much. So obviously I have written Love on my arm today.
I got my brother to take part as well. Here are some pictures of our support:
Now, I'm going to encourage you, dear friend, to write Love on your arms and show support!
:]
You can see from my profile picture & my tag line how much I dig this organization. Anything that offers genuine hope and rescue to people is something I'm all about. I know a lot of people that struggle with the issues that TWLOHA deals with. They are some of the best people I know and I love them very much. So obviously I have written Love on my arm today.
I got my brother to take part as well. Here are some pictures of our support:
Now, I'm going to encourage you, dear friend, to write Love on your arms and show support!
:]
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
mello
I've been reflecting a lot again.
I've been spending more and more time at Panacea which is very refreshing.
I've been spending a lot more time with God which is comforting.
I've been reconciling things also. That has been challenging.
The job at church begins in June, we'll see how this goes, I know God has a sense of humor and I certainly expect it to come out while I'm there. Soccer begins also in June, this will be interesting, the last time i played soccer it was in 8th grade( granted I'd played for about 6 years prior to this event) and I broke my ankle. This time I don't see that happening. I'm actually very excited to be part of a team that is full of fellowship... this is something to have fun with, and I'm really looking forward to that!
I'm taking two online classes, Chem and Native American Religion. After these two are complete I will be considered Western Carolina University Alumni as of August 1st. Wow.
I'll keep you posted, I'm sure there will be several breakdowns and moments of celebration in the next two months, but it's just part of the ride. This summer should be amazing, everyone is home and we're all starting a new chapter in our lives... it's all very exciting.
Goodnight!
I've been spending more and more time at Panacea which is very refreshing.
I've been spending a lot more time with God which is comforting.
I've been reconciling things also. That has been challenging.
The job at church begins in June, we'll see how this goes, I know God has a sense of humor and I certainly expect it to come out while I'm there. Soccer begins also in June, this will be interesting, the last time i played soccer it was in 8th grade( granted I'd played for about 6 years prior to this event) and I broke my ankle. This time I don't see that happening. I'm actually very excited to be part of a team that is full of fellowship... this is something to have fun with, and I'm really looking forward to that!
I'm taking two online classes, Chem and Native American Religion. After these two are complete I will be considered Western Carolina University Alumni as of August 1st. Wow.
I'll keep you posted, I'm sure there will be several breakdowns and moments of celebration in the next two months, but it's just part of the ride. This summer should be amazing, everyone is home and we're all starting a new chapter in our lives... it's all very exciting.
Goodnight!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
i like...
Lately I like:
-wearing Birkenstocks with no socks
-wearing Chuck Taylors with tie-die shirts
-wearing Rainbows with sweaters
-spending time with old friends I haven't seen in months, sometimes years
-talking with friends about life, sex, God, faith, boys, problems, ducks...yes ducks
-the rain
-LOTR
-minnie mouse
-the color gray
-celtic knot earrings
-spending time with the most random people I know
-praying
-listening to William Fitzsimmons, Damien Rice, and Disturbed
-hanging with my brother
-listening
-learning
-making marketing ads for class
-thinking about the future
-crows
-new blossoms on trees
-swinging
-skipping class
-staying up late and getting up early
-concealer for the bags under my eyes
-spending more time at panacea
-clean sheets that smell like lavender
-bunnies
-left over chocolate easter eggs
-life is good shirts
-drinking coffee
...no wait, I always like drinking coffee.
that's all. well i mean not all. but that is all for now.
see you soon?
-wearing Birkenstocks with no socks
-wearing Chuck Taylors with tie-die shirts
-wearing Rainbows with sweaters
-spending time with old friends I haven't seen in months, sometimes years
-talking with friends about life, sex, God, faith, boys, problems, ducks...yes ducks
-the rain
-LOTR
-minnie mouse
-the color gray
-celtic knot earrings
-spending time with the most random people I know
-praying
-listening to William Fitzsimmons, Damien Rice, and Disturbed
-hanging with my brother
-listening
-learning
-making marketing ads for class
-thinking about the future
-crows
-new blossoms on trees
-swinging
-skipping class
-staying up late and getting up early
-concealer for the bags under my eyes
-spending more time at panacea
-clean sheets that smell like lavender
-bunnies
-left over chocolate easter eggs
-life is good shirts
-drinking coffee
...no wait, I always like drinking coffee.
that's all. well i mean not all. but that is all for now.
see you soon?
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
the vine
So, today was my first Sunday off in many moons. Leslie has been asking me to go to her church, The Vine, with her for a long while and I decided to seize the day and go. My amazing friend Ryan is the youth pastor there and I have several friends that attend. So I mean what the heck right?
I have never been to a service like that. Ever. It was the coolest thing in the world. I met a ton of people right off the bat and they are all awesome! The pastor, Owen, was so personable... most pastors are, but not all of them are genuine (I hate to say) and he was just so happy to be there and it was like the Holy Spirit was pulsing all around him. It was so cool you guys.
You can read more about them on their website, the link is above. There was so much singing! There was a full band, comprised of members, there were roosters that were sling shots with scripture zipped in. There was dancing... literally, dancing. I got to dance for God this morning. There was an actor that portrayed Christ, and talked to us like we were his best friend. He told us stories, made us laugh, made us cry, and inspired us.
I like to be inspired. I love to be inspired because of God.
I was created to create. I'm embracing that as much as possible.
If you are every in Waynesville and feel the need for a great church full of life, love, and community I will recommend this one to you.
One down side to this is of course, that it was not my church. I'm thinking about making it my church. I'm just at Long's every Sunday basically. In the nursery with the little ones playing, making music, and just loving through Christ. That is one of the most beautiful things in my life. I got a little homesick for that this morning.
Random.
Now, if you have heard of William Fitzsimmons then you have earned 5 points from me. If you have not then go to myspace.com and type his name into the music page. Listen to "Passion Play", close your eyes and let the song take you where it will.
Also, Andy McKee. Youtube.com him and his song "Drifting". Again close your eyes and enjoy.
That is all I have for now. Other than the time change stinks. I like sleep, it keeps me pretty and taking an hour away from me is not okay. Blah Blah.
I have never been to a service like that. Ever. It was the coolest thing in the world. I met a ton of people right off the bat and they are all awesome! The pastor, Owen, was so personable... most pastors are, but not all of them are genuine (I hate to say) and he was just so happy to be there and it was like the Holy Spirit was pulsing all around him. It was so cool you guys.
You can read more about them on their website, the link is above. There was so much singing! There was a full band, comprised of members, there were roosters that were sling shots with scripture zipped in. There was dancing... literally, dancing. I got to dance for God this morning. There was an actor that portrayed Christ, and talked to us like we were his best friend. He told us stories, made us laugh, made us cry, and inspired us.
I like to be inspired. I love to be inspired because of God.
I was created to create. I'm embracing that as much as possible.
If you are every in Waynesville and feel the need for a great church full of life, love, and community I will recommend this one to you.
One down side to this is of course, that it was not my church. I'm thinking about making it my church. I'm just at Long's every Sunday basically. In the nursery with the little ones playing, making music, and just loving through Christ. That is one of the most beautiful things in my life. I got a little homesick for that this morning.
Random.
Now, if you have heard of William Fitzsimmons then you have earned 5 points from me. If you have not then go to myspace.com and type his name into the music page. Listen to "Passion Play", close your eyes and let the song take you where it will.
Also, Andy McKee. Youtube.com him and his song "Drifting". Again close your eyes and enjoy.
That is all I have for now. Other than the time change stinks. I like sleep, it keeps me pretty and taking an hour away from me is not okay. Blah Blah.
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