whew

Since my last post things have gotten considerably better!

I've been working through a lot of the things that were holding me back and not doing me any good. I feel like God and I have made some seriously great progress, and while I might not be 100% yet I'm close.

Enter: relief, gratitude, excitement, entertainment, and love.

In the last few weeks I have learned that:
I have amazing, supportive, steadfast friends
I have an amazing job and the kids are wonderful
Doubting my faith makes me stronger
Polaroid pictures are the greatest things ever
New journals inspire me
Wearing Danskos makes me smile
Because of Danskos I have new cute socks
Spending time with Whitford makes me ecstatic
The rain is inspiring and balm to me
Seeing my brother in the evenings makes my heart happy
Having my sister be in the after school program with me is oddly refreshing
...and stopping to watch the geese makes me laugh.

I've been working mostly in the evenings which is nice, I have my days free to myself. That has proven quite useful in a myriad of ways.

Mom and I are going to start finishing up my resume and then sending it out, posting it on the internet, etc. Time to start that journey. I'll keep you updated!

For now, it's time for some coffee before I head to the church.

Ciao.

sheesh.

I have realized in the last 6 hours that I am especially heartbroken.

I had a fantastic morning with my church kids (note: they are different from my after school kids), even though I was dreading being there today. I was listening to Tool in the car when I parked this morning, and as I looked down toward the door (behind which is sometimes heaven, sometimes hell) I thought, "wow... no amount of Tool can make me want to be here today". I finally gave it up after a rousing shouting of Jambi and went inside to start for the morning when I was asked to do Children's Church. Now I have never ever done children's church, but hey who's up for new things? Me! I had the best time. Afterwards I ended up in my room with my sweet Landry and we played the morning away.

It was only on the drive home that I came to pieces in the car. Can I just tell you friends? Driving is therapy at times and then other times it's like a prison. Sometimes you can drive away from what is bothering you and that makes it better. This was not one of those times, this was a time where you realize that no amount of driving can make it better because there is nothing to get away from... it's all inside of you.

Terrible.

I came home and proceeded to eat comfort spaghetti and I slept for over and hour while listening to Gilmore Girls. Good news: I'm no longer bawling. Bad news: I now must deal with this constant hurt. There's the rub. I will not go into detail as to what has broken my heart because it does no good to spill your guts on the internet, but I will ask for you to be in prayer.

On a side note, I found a daisy during my daily travels last week and it's doing very well on my window.

That is basically all, except of course that my birthday is on Thursday. I will be 22. It'll be neat and hopefully by then I will be feeling more like myself.

A New Chapter

I need to start this off with a story that made me smack my forehead:
I was sitting in the first row of chairs at the graduation rehearsal minding my own business when this really bleach blond girl came to sit by me.
Okay fine, she looks nice enough.
So she strikes up idle conversation.
Sure, go along with it, whatever.
She looks at me and says out of no where "Oh my goodness! Is that your natural hair color?!"
Oh my lord. Are you serious?! "Yes, yes this is my natural hair color..."
"Well it is just gorgeous! I'll have to see if I can get mine that way"
*awkwardly* "Gee.... thanks." Omg. Kill me.

[I need an alter ego]

You have to wonder sometimes where society is going! I mean yes, I have fallen victim to thinking that I have to have a flat stomach and no love handles and it's something I grapple with on an hourly basis and then have to remind myself that I'm perfect how God made me. But please give me my natural hair color! I beseech you!

Moving on:

I am officially a graduate of Western Carolina University! Woohoo! This is all very exciting that's for sure. I don't know what to do with all of this crazy new free time! I had a lot of stuff going on when I had my two online classes. Work and studying/reading/writing papers/making power points etc., made for zero free play time. Now all I have to do is work, which I haven't done all weekend. It's been incredibly liberating to be able to watch a movie with my family and not think about the work I should be doing! Of course, I do think I will go back for my masters, but I'd like to make sure I really do love my field before I do that. You don't play around with a masters. Man, this is crazy. I'm no longer a student but am a real contributer to society! Woot! We'll see how this goes. Now the job hunt ensues. Be in prayer friends as I have NO idea where or what I will be doing.

This picture below is me after the ceremony, however, I felt just like this the entire time I was at WCU, the time leading up to walking especially:

This is the classic parents flanking the graduate shot:


We were all pretty jazzed. And I got flowers! I love getting flowers, it's one of my favorite things!



Now, I was looking at my room here at home thinking about how things will be changing sooner than I realize and how crazy life will get. As I was looking and thinking I saw my bed and thought, "man that looks nice". It's so lovely to see something that is a staple in your life and realize how inviting it is!




For serious, how comfy does that look? And those are the flowers that I got for graduation :]
And yes, that is Eclipse laying on my bed, yes I am a Twilight Fan. And yes I did pre-order Breaking Dawn online. Shut up.

That is me. Enjoying the crap out of my bed.

That's all I have time for now. I have cross stitching and reading to do with my new found freedom!

:]